


Food Wars

by iiSoRandom



Category: Pocket Monsters: X & Y | Pokemon X & Y Versions
Genre: F/F, Let Sycamore have one normal day, M/M, Malva is an evil genius, we love her though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23239546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iiSoRandom/pseuds/iiSoRandom
Summary: He couldn’t have one normal day, could he?In which a rivalry is started and Malva films it all. ‘Food wars ft:Lysandre and Siebold, HE THREW A KNIFE WHERE!! No clickbait’
Relationships: Carnet | Diantha/Pachira | Malva, Fleur-de-lis | Lysandre/Platane-hakase | Professor Augustine Sycamore
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	Food Wars

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I would first and foremost just like to say a giant hecking thank you to HikariHM for both helping me come up with this idea and letting me bounce a bunch of crazy ideas off of her! Go and read some of her work you won’t be disappointed! Thanks again for all your help. I hope you all enjoy this story.

Food Wars

If anyone were to ask Augustine Sycamore what he imagined doing that day it would be a far cry from this. It would be far from him catching on fire due to a stupid petty competition that his husband initiated. No this is not what he imagined when he went to visit his sister today.

It was a normal day. About as normal as you can get when you’re a regional professor taking care of four chespins, all of which are attacking you for food while you hear your husband laughing at you from his desk. Alas such was normal in the Sycamore-Fleur-de-lis household. 

“Anne! No down You’ll all get your food in a minute”! I shooed the small chespin down as she made another move to climb my leg. I heard Lysandre’s deep chuckle from the other side of the room where he sat and could feel a migraine start rattling at my temples.  
“Excuse me but I don’t laugh at you whenever Darien crushes you on the couch”. I smirked watching his face fall into a mock scowl. I placed the bowl on the ground and watched as all four chespin made a grab for it. Moving across the room I draped myself over the broader man shoving my head into the crook of his neck.  
“Mhhhggggg” I groaned breathing in the scent of his cologne. I felt the rumble from his laugh and felt a strand of hair fall down, limp from his morning shower. 

“This is why we don’t drink an entire bottle of Bordeaux in a singular night” he petted my hair and I groaned again.  
“First of all it was merlot and three tequila shots and second of all my sister was getting engaged so what else was I going to do?”  
“And my best friend is getting engaged to your sister and I didn’t down an entire bottle”. He laughed again and I felt him shake his head.  
“mon cher pyroar, you act as if I know my limits”. I felt another surge of the migraine.  
“Ughhhhhh I regret life” I whined trying to bury my face further into his neck.  
“I resent that statement”. I felt his head turn and could imagine the wild hand gestures he makes while joking.  
“You regret me, your devoted and loving husband”, I felt his arm jerk. “The one who cooks for you and cries with you during those horribly sad and cheesy Sinnoan movies you love. Who makes sure you get sleep and drags you back from the lab”. I turned my head to face him and gave him a deadpan stare “I drag you from your desk every other night so at least get it right if you’re going to insult me”.  
He smiled at me, the devilish one he dawns very rarely and kissed me on the temple.  
“Get some rest and take a shower mon amour, I’ll get breakfast ready”. I sighed contently feeling warmth bloom happily in my chest.  
~ ~ ~  
Feeling more energized and slightly more awake I grabbed my favorite old t-shirt (which had probably belonged to Lysandre at one point) and walked out of our room. I could still feel the dull ache of the hangover at the back of my head. The smell of pancakes drifted through the house as I made my way down the hallway to the dining room and I smiled, figured he would make my favorite. He must want something. 

I came up behind him as he shuffled around the kitchen, tending to the stove. He shooed me off with one hand(he didn’t even look at me the prick). I frowned slightly but made my way to the dinning table. He moved with practiced grace from the stove with pancakes in one hand and set them down gently on the table in front of me. I knew better than to fall for this flattery.  
“What’s the occasion” I narrowed my eyes. Typically he was the suspicious one but today I couldn’t help but feel I forgot something, or that he was holding back.  
He laughed. This wasn’t his normal laugh this was a ‘oh god I married a beautiful idiot laugh’, one that by experience I know very well.  
“No special reason” he shook his head and smiled sitting down opposite me, coffee in hand. I slowly took a bite of the pancakes. I honestly lucked out marrying a cook, these pancakes were a crime to exist.  
“Please don’t tell me you started an evil team and plan to destroy the universe”.  
He flashed me a deadpan look. “Nope not today”. He finally let out a breath of air. 

“Augustine please tell me you didn’t forget that while under the influence you promised your sister and Malva that we would visit them today for lunch”.  
I stopped eating my crime pancakes.  
“Please please tell me they were too drunk to remember that promise... please”. Today all I wanted was to eat my delicious sin-filled too good to exist pancakes, ignore my supposed to be done four days ago paperwork and cuddle my husband while watching cheesy Disney movies. Was I gonna get that? No. 

“Malva definitely was too drunk. Diantha however will be holding you to that promise”. I groaned. It’s always like my sister to remain the sober one at a party, this is why for most of our twenties she was my designated driver.  
“But I don’t want to.....” I pouted, hoping he’d take pity on me and the decisions I made while intoxicated, but no Lysandre knew my strategy perfectly. Next step was convincing, I could probably bring up how Siebold could be there. He hates that man with a passion.  
“Gus, no. We’re going.” I knew my last chance of cuddles and peace rested on the growlithe eyes I was going to make. I glanced at him with the best ones I could muster but his face was stone. I knew I had exhausted my options.  
“Fine” I hung my head. “I’m gonna need a lot more aspirin”. I heard him chuckle behind me.  
“Finish your pancakes first.”  
~ ~ ~

The Pokémon league. A gorgeous structure built after the great weapon. Built as a way to commemorate both people and pokemon working together to create a beautiful existence. As much as I loved this place and it’s history all I really wanted were my pajamas and The Little Mermaid.

Diantha greeted us at the door, hugging me then kissing Lysandre on both his cheeks.  
“Lyssy, I’m glad you could drag my brother out of his drunken stupor. We unfortunately both have had the pleasure of living with him in the morning.” I chuckled at her typical bluntness, taking jabs at each other was what we did.  
“Malva’s in the kitchen putting away the groceries. Do you think you could help while I talk to this idiot?” She pointed at me and I made an indignant noise. He smiled warmly at her and bowed his head in agreement. I watched him go and waited for my sister to tear into me, I firmly believed she would only ask to be alone with me for that reason. 

“Gus why do I feel like you’d rather be watching Disney movies right now”?  
“Because I would. Preferably with pizza rolls”. She rolled her eyes and huffed a laugh. “Typical. Just please snap yourself out of your mood, I can feel it and I will use all my older sister power to make you happy”. I felt a real laugh bubble out of my throat. “You’re older than me by five and a half minutes. Plus I’m technically taller now”. She giggled and hit me on the shoulder. “Okay hot shot long legs let go inside before they think we killed each other”. I snarked back at her, “we both know that it would be you doing the murdering part.” I felt her glare and heard her give in to chase as I ran up the staircase to the league’s door.  
“Augustine Sycamore get your ass back here!”

When I walked in I felt a weird atmosphere change, like o was walking in to a storm brewing. That’s when I heard a loud crash from the kitchen.  
“WELL I’M SORRY THAT YOUR FOOD IS INEDIBLE BECAUSE YOU CARE MORE ABOUT AMBIENCE THAN ACTUAL FOOD!”  
“EXCUSE ME BUT AT LEAST I HAVE PRESENTATION YOU IMBECILE!”

I glanced at Diantha and she looked like she was going to murder someone. It was the face she wore when an ungrateful bratty challenger would face her.  
“If they destroy the kitchen I’m forcing them to clean it everyday for the rest of their lives”.  
I watched her glide toward the kitchen and I realized I should probably follow her. 

I grimaced at the situation unfolding before me, Siebold(of course it couldn’t be Wilstrom we ran into, he and Lysandre actually get along) and Lysandre were glaring at each other. Malva was off to the side, camera in hand probably filming the entire thing. My eyes widened when I realized she was egging them on. 

Diantha had stopped right by the entrance and she flashed Malva the ‘what are you doing stop it now or I will silence you with a hard kiss’ glare(this glare was something Lysandre and her probably practice together during their outings, which me and Malva have been banned from). 

“There’s only one way to settle this”! Malva spoke up, “a good old fashion food war”. I saw Lysandre shoot a withering look and Siebold who returned it.  
“Boys no ones doing anything of the sort. Especially not in the league kitchen”! Diantha objected. I saw an opportunity in that moment. “I think it’s a wonderful idea” I grinned as I walked into the kitchen throwing my hands up.  
“An old fashion way to settle things”! I grinned and flashed a wink at Malva.  
“It’s settled then!” She clapped her hands. “I’ll go get a better camera”! She giggled manically before running out, clapping me on the shoulder in thanks. 

I watched both men go to separate parts of the kitchen and wait for the red haired woman’s return. They kept glaring daggers at each other.  
“Okay got it”! Malva waltzed back in, “rolling in three, two, one”.  
“Hello and welcome to food wars! Today we have two wonderful and experienced contestants! Siebold and Lysandre” I watched as she grabbed a serving table that was hidden almost completely from sight and wheeled it over.  
“Our contestants today will be working from what’s on this tray”. She showed the camera the tray.  
“Malva did you plan for this!” Diantha yelled.  
“I need more viewers” Malva nonchalantly shrugged.  
“MALVA!”  
“Okay ignoring my beautiful and wonderful fiancée for a minute let’s get back to the matter at hand. These two will be battling it out for the ultimate title of ‘Best Chef in Kalos’ the loser will have to work in the others restaurant for a week”. I watched Lysandre’s eyes narrow like a cats. He was definitely determined.  
“Okay let’s begin”! I watched as Lysandre and Siebold made a beeline to the tray and grabbed a bunch of items before running back to their sides of the kitchen.  
“And they’re off!” Malva’s voice rung out. 

Off to the side Diantha looked at me.  
“Why do I feel you have ulterior motives for supporting this idea Augustine?”  
“Non,I don’t have any”. I heard her snort  
“I know you better than that you just want victory sex don’t you?” I finally let out a chuckle.  
“Well no duh. Even if he loses I’m still going to get something”  
“Arceus! When are you not horny”  
“When I have showered five days straight, got a healthy amount of sleep and have finished paperwork” I shot at her. She rolled her eyes.  
“So never?”  
“Yeah pretty much”. 

I realized around half way through this competition that this was making me slightly hungry. I knew there was some chips by where Siebold was cooking and being the stupid man that I am, went to grab them. Only to get a screech out of Siebold to get out. Hearing a clang from Lysandre’s side I looked over just in time to watch him throw a really large large butcher knife at Siebold. It landed just shy of him.  
“Talk like that to my husband again and that will be going straight through your head you absolute undignified sewer ratatta!” I felt a pull on my arm and Diantha pulled me back.  
“Ooo can you do that again Lys? The views just spiked”!

~ ~ ~  
An hour and a half later I watched as Malva gathered the remaining elite members to judge with her.  
“The final hurdle is being approached first is Lysandre with his Coq Au Vin”.  
“This was my mother’s recipe”. I watched as he flashed a grin, the one he would use for the cameras. It looked out of place with his dirty apron and tied back hair.  
Each one of the judges took a bite and I could feel my stomach growl. “How are you hungry already”? Diantha elbowed me, “you can go days without eating”.  
“I don’t know I’m a sucker for anything Lysandre cooks”. “True”. 

I was so absorbed in looking at the plates in front of them I barely caught what the judges said, something about wonderful texture. Next was Siebold, who looked very smug, I don’t know why but that made me want to punch him more than him yelling at me. He placed the plates down.  
“Chicken Fricassee, also my mother recipe, she was once a cook at the Perfum Palace”. Lysandre grumbled behind him.  
All three judges dug into their plates. After the brief words they gave to Siebold, which to be honest I kind of tuned out, Malva rose. Putting her camera down gently she turned to the men.  
“The judges will go deliberate in another room”. We all watched as she shuffled them to the living room.  
~ ~ ~  
Riding home Lysandre was giddy. “I knew I was gonna win, how could I possibly fail.” He beamed, “especially when I have my good luck charm.” He leaned over to pull me close and kiss the top of my head. I was just about to turn around and kiss him hard on the mouth when a buzz from my pocket jolted me. 

Prof.Rowan(Science Dad): “what the heck did you do”?  
Me: what are you implying???  
Prof.Rowan(Science Dad): I feel like you were the one to start the food competition... Also you should’ve competed!  
Me: 1) I swear I did not and 2) I can’t even boil water how was I supposed to go toe to toe with two world class chefs??!!!  
Prof.Rowan(Science Dad): I don’t believe that for a second  
Prof.Rowan(Science Dad): I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO COOK!

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Sycamore, just can’t hve a single day off can he? I’m sorry if you feel this is a little ooc, I love him being all bubbly and happy but he’s supposed to be kinda hung over during this so I can imagine he’s not super duper jazzed, especially when Lysandre almost murders a man. I hope you all liked this! Don’t hesitate to drop a comment, I literally thrive off of them. Have a great day/night/afternoon


End file.
